Unanswered Prayers

I have had many opportunities to reflect back on my life lately. Wondering, would I do things differently at all? If I could go back to just one moment in my life, what would it be? Would I tell myself to change things? I think of all the prayers I offered up for certain situations to be different at the time I was experiencing them. I have endured some pretty painful things throughout the years and there are so many times I have prayed not to have to go through them. It always seemed impossible to bear at the time.
Yet, here I sit today, able to reflect back on those times and know without a doubt that I am better for them. I remember being told once that God didn't want me to have to hurt, but that He would never take away the hurt when there was an opportunity to learn something. It didn't offer much comfort at the time. It stuck with me though, and has offered comfort countless times since. While I wish I didn't have quite so much to "learn", I am grateful to know that Heavenly Father will be with me through these "opportunities" and will get me safely through to the other side.
So why call this post Unanswered Prayers? There is a specific prayer that I offered for quite some time over and over about 10 years ago. This prayer went unanswered for more than a year even though I continued to offer it each day. I am more than grateful that this prayer remained unanswered because it brought me to Rick. The heartache I felt at not having this prayer answered is nothing compared to the joy of finding my "Unanswered Prayer" in the man I married. I look back over the last 10 years and see the simple and pure beauty that Rick has brought to my life and I am overcome once again with love for him.
He started out as my trainer at work. We developed a casual friendship that was mostly about teasing and laughing at each other. I looked forward to his smile everyday. I was hurting at the time and he helped me laugh. Our friendship grew stronger and stronger and before I knew it, I was offering another specific prayer that went unanswered. I prayed not to fall in love with him. He was my best friend. I had lost so much at this point that I couldn't bear the idea of losing his friendship. He didn't want to settle down yet and I didn't want to scare him. I prayed for several months not to fall for him. It didn't work. He cared for me in a way no person had ever done before and it was impossible not to love him. We began dating and after many months, we were married. That was a prayer that didn't go unanswered. Here we are, married almost 8 years. We have our 2 greatest blessings in our children and one more on its way to our home. Life has not been easy, but at least we have each other. Such a cliche but I believe that. I lean on my husband and hope that he leans on me when things get tough and we not only survive, we thrive. He is the greatest love I've ever known and I'm so thankful that those prayers went unanswered. I have the life I have always wanted and the best partner, friend and lover I could ever have asked for.
So to go back to the questions I first asked, would I change anything in my life? Nope. It all made me who I am and gave me the wonderful life I have today. I would go through it all again and again to get this life.

1st Day of Preschool

Here she is, all grown up! Okay so not ALL grown up but looking more grown up all the time. She was so excited to wear this outfit to school because of the scarf. She thinks her scarf is the greatest thing ever and even tried to put it back on today. I will have to get her one for play time or this one will get ruined!

She had a new teacher this year and it was hard for her to get used to the idea. This is her 2nd year of preschool because her birthday is in December so she missed the deadline for starting this year. She will rule her class as one of the older kids though, ;). Turns out, her teacher is pretty nice, she even gave her a hug. She was nervous the couple of days leading up to school and had been asking me if I would stay with her at school. Turns out, I didn't need to. Once again, when she got there, she was in familiar surroundings and didn't even notice I was in the room.

Ricky, was probably as excited as Kayla for this day. I think he thought he was going to school. He insisted on carrying his Buzz Lightyear (or Blightear, as he calls him) backpack and threw a fit when it was time to leave. He screamed most of the way home, making me carry him which was hard on this prego! It was a hard few minutes of screaming after we got home too. Oh well, he was happy with balloons after a bit. Its nice to know I won't have a problem getting him to go to preschool next year. And he was thrilled to see his sister when we picked her up. We went to KB (local convenience store) and got the kids corndogs and candy for lunch as a special treat and had a picnic in the backyard.

All in all, a successful first day and a good start to a fun year for my big girl.

Back to Preschool

So it hasn't happened yet. Kayla starts her 2nd year of preschool in 2 days. I am having such a hard time this year with her growing up. She will be 5 in December. She got her hair cut this summer and the new do makes her look so grown up. I want to put her in a time machine and stop time. Right now, she thinks I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread. We have "assigned seating" at the dinner table, which basically means that everyone always sits in the same spot. It used to be that I was sitting next to Ricky so I could help him eat better. Kayla started asking if I would sit by her please and it would break her heart when I said no. Eventually, Rick and I swapped seats and I now sit by her at most meals. Even when she sees that I am going to sit by her, she still has to ask, "Mom, could you sit by me?" She has become very attached to me and I have to say that I love it. For the first 2-3 years of her life, she was such a Daddy's girl and it broke my heart on more than one occasion when she chose him over me. Now, I am relishing in the warmth that I feel when she chooses me. Its okay, don't worry, Ricky is very much a Dad's boy and so Rick isn't left all alone like I was.....he has his boy.
Seriously, I want to bottle this time right now and keep it forever. Kayla is so affectionate and is always giving hugs and kisses and tells me at least 50 times a day, "Mom, I berry love you!" She wants to look like me and do things that I do. Yesterday, we lay on her bed and read story after story. Then I read to her some of my favorite poems from my Shel Silverstein book. We spent a good hour just us girls, reading stories and cuddling and its a memory that I will always cherish. As she gets older, I know that I will start to take a back seat to things. Pretty soon, she will want to walk to school all by herself. She will want to go to friends house to play. She will eventually discover boys. The day will come, much sooner than I care to think about, when she will start making her own decisions about her future and her life and I will have to trust that her Dad and I did a good job teaching her right from wrong. These thoughts going through my head lately have caused me to reflect on what an awesome job we have as parents. How hard it must be for our Heavenly Father to allow us to leave his presence and work mostly on our own to get back home to him. I know its hard to think about letting my own sweet girl leave and its years away, I hope. It is humbling to realize the trust that has been placed in my hands to care for another of His children and guide my sweet girl in the best way that I know.
I love you, Kayla! You are my best girl and the most amazing daughter anyone could ever have! I look forward to watching you grow and look forward to creating a wonderful relationship with you that evolves and grows throughout the years. You are the BEST!!!!